Friday, November 6, 2009

Thoughts of a worked up mind

Its been been an insanely long time since I posted anything here. This post is part a guilt ridden for not writing for so long, part longing to connect back, part trying to deceive the unexplainable feeling I am having right now and part trying to escape from the daily motions of my life.

When you start with the job your world changes. Suddenly everybody is your colleague. There are no pats on the backs after some nonsense joke ( there are no nonsense jokes). There are no loose talks, no late night chats, no sitting around the mess table not caring about the time and putting all your energies trying to pull the leg of one poor soul. There is no Dc and definitely no main chat. There are no the days when you ask a person waking up and moving towards the bathroom " kitno dino se nahaya nahi " ( How many days has it been since you last had a bath!). There is no thinking about bunking a boring lecture. There is no planning about those last days of the month when suddenly cash seems to dry up. No infinite loans to give and no people to pester about treats.

These days life moves like a flash. Working like a robot from 5 in the morning to 12 in the night. Everything has a schedule and you stick to it. You think before you speak evaluating the possible outcome of the words that leave your mouth and how they might be perceived. You try to please your bosses and not feel awkward when a man thrice your age calls you sahab. You complete the assignments given to you in time. Try to remain busy. You wake up and look prim and proper before proceeding for office. You eat your meals thinking and discussing how a particular force or moment might apply to the member you are designing ( To be fair the lunches are still fun with those 15 minutes afterward where everybody sits and discusses his/ her "job experience" ) You suddenly have so much money that you don't know what to do with it, suddenly that constrained account with debts to paid and 200 rupees accounts to be settled look good.

Yesterday while Sachin ( God) was scripting another masterpiece in what would turn out to be a match of so near yet so far, I was in the common room. It felt like to be back some 6 months back. The shouts, the jeers, the adrenaline , the euphoria at every six and the collective sigh at every wicket .... It felt nice. I felt like 2005A4360G back in BH4 cheering at the top of my voice. Instead I was now a different number, at a different place and at a different designation.

I probably have never worked so hard in my life ever. I probably have never felt so contend in my life. I probably have never run faster or lifted more weights, I probably have never been in better shape. I probably have never read so much in my life. Probably for the first time I have felt what it is like to have a goal and try to achieve it. What it is like to make a comeback.

I miss the things which I have written above, but I would trade them any day for what I am feeling now.

ps: I will make that comeback goddammit.
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